[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
.He felt awkward, standing in a hospital room, without Agnes.She had stayed home, but only because Jamie had promised to keep her up to date.He felt alone and as if Sebastian was ignoring him.Not once had he looked his way.Until just then.Sebastian patted the bed and crooked his finger for Jamie to come and sit.Jamie obliged, aware of Kai, Karen and the doctor chatting without taking much notice of him.Sebastian took Jamie's hand in his own, the guided it to his lips and kissed the knuckles gently.“I know what you think, but it's not your fault.It isn't mine either, well not entirely.Yes, I was upset about the rejection.”“I didn't reject you.” Jamie interrupted him.“I simply want to take this slowly.I'm falling hard for you and it is new and scary to make myself so vulnerable.”“I know and I should have reacted differently.I like you Jamie and I never want to see you hurt.”“I'd say the same, but look around.Do you know where you are? Don't do this again.I saw you on the floor.I saw the tears.I saw your pain, Sebastian.”“I.I wish I could undo it, but I can't, but I promise that I will make it right this time.The doctor told me a bunch of things that apparently went wrong with the old quack and we are going to make it right.I am hopeful, you know.”“You look tired.”“I am, you are right.I want to go home and get into my bed and sleep.With you close to me.Please, don't get comfortable in that guestroom.”“I don't know.It's too soon and you are hurt.” Jamie shook his head and turned away.“Please? I promise to behave.” Sebastian pleaded, guiding Jamie's head back, so that they could lock eyes.“And I am hurt.You can't deny a wish to a hurt man.” Jamie smiled and Sebastian smiled too.“Let's go” and Jamie helped Sebastian maneuver out of the hospital bed.~~Chapter 9~~Life at Sebastian's house changed drastically over the next few days and weeks.Kai finally set his apartment up for sale and moved in to his brother's house.To be closer if needed, and because he liked the company of Jamie and Agnes.His house was still empty, but it was mostly, because he was sick and tired of being lonely and he had the urge to be closer to his family again.The older he became, the more he became a family-man.Agnes was allowed to change schools when both headmasters of her old and her new school agreed and within two days, she went to a new school, meeting new people and needing to catch up on a lot of studying.The new school was a private school that Sebastian paid.At first, Jamie was against it, but Sebastian and Agnes had worked out a sort of contract that listed chores Agnes had to do around and in the house, to pay Sebastian back.It was nothing mean or dangerous, but simple tasks, like freeing the stairs from the snow that was still falling, cleaning the kitchen after dinner and things like that.The only trickier point was that Sebastian insisted on good grades.He had no intention wasting his money on someone lazy and unfocused.He quickly saw and learned that Agnes did the best she could do, and Sebastian even volunteered to help where he could with her homework, essays and other school projects and the two of the became accustomed to each other rather well while working together on maths and other subjects.Sebastian worked hard to get his leg back to being useful.Three to four times a week, he saw a physiotherapist and he was able to notice the first results.He was far from painless and he still wore the splint, but he had a goal and he worked towards that, never leaving it out of sight.Some days were harder than others, but with the constant support of Kai, Karen and Agnes, it was easier to process set-backs.Jamie on the other hand retreated more and more and Sebastian let him have his space.Jamie never moved into Sebastian's room, under the pretense that he didn't want Sebastian to lose sleep or being in pain in his own bed, because he took too much space.No matter how much Sebastian insisted that he wanted Jamie with him, Jamie didn't give in, he didn't budge.Instead, he became more and more quiet.He didn't go out and became like a ghost of himself.It was still hard on him that he had lost his mother without knowing it, and some days, he felt guilty for not being there, not insisting that she'd speak to him.He read a lot about grief and how to process it, but the best books don't help, if you don't apply what you are reading.****Jamie sat in the den and watched the snow covering the garden.Until now, he hadn't been outside the house and he hadn't seen the beauty of it yet.Jamie preferred to be as small and unseen as possible, making himself almost invisible.He pulled his legs up on the armchair and let his chin rest on his knee, while covering himself with a warm blanket.This place quickly advanced to his favorite spot in the whole house.Jamie sipped his tea and stared into the dusk.He heard the voices of Agnes, Sebastian and Kai in the distance, but he didn't hear what they were saying and he didn't really care, he only knew that they were working on something school related.His thoughts were with his parents though.“It's better for you to leave and move out.I don't want my son being a father at sixteen and I am not going to support that disrespectful behavior.You are responsible for your own trouble.”Jamie could still see her cold blue eyes, and he could still hear the disappointment in her voice.He also still knew what she had been wearing.It was a floral patterned blouse and a brown skirt and an apron, since she had been cleaning up after dinner.“But mom.” Jamie pleaded, his arms fell to his sides and his shoulders dropped.Remembering that feeling was awful.He had repressed so many feelings and emotions for years that it almost overwhelmed him every time he thought back to that time in his life.“No, Jamie.Enough is enough.I can barely live with the fact that you are gay.Do you know how ashamed I am? Do you know how the women at the book-club look at me? But being a queer and a teenage dad – that is not how I raised you.You should be better than that.” Jamie’s mother raised her voice.It almost sounded cruel now.“But mom [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]