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.Pillars of the community? Ha.Snooty well-to-do’s, is more like it.Kind of makes you glad it happened.It’s about time, I say.”I frowned.This class warfare was getting out of hand if working-class folk were expressing glad tidings due to the fact one of the country club set had bought the farm in a particularly gruesome and violent manner.What was next? La guillotine?“Who called in the report?” Harve asked.I took a deep breath.This was it.Showtime.“Someone fed up with some people getting away with murder around here.I guess Townsend was out there, so maybe he called it in.” Mary smiled.“He was with a lady friend, naturally.I guess they were getting very touchy-feelie.I heard she was all over him like cling wrap on a sticky roll.”All over him like cling wrap! Oh, I knew I should never have let my guard down with that weasel.“I don’t know where you’re getting your information,” I spoke up, “but for the record, I have never played touchy-feelie with Rick Townsend, or anything else for that matter.He gave me a brotherly hug, that’s all.A strictly platonic, no hanky-panky, no cling-wrappy hug.Got it?”Harve and Mary exchanged surprised looks.“You were there?” the convenience store clerk asked.“Yes, of course.”“With Townsend?”“Well, yes, but you see, I was shaken, vulnerable.I needed comfort.Reassurance.That was all.”“Huh?” Harve contributed.“You were there? You saw everything?” Mary queried.I nodded, directing my eyes downward.“I bet that was a sight!” Mary continued.“Lord, I wish I could have been there to see it all in living color.Makes you wish you had a video camera handy.That would be a sure grand prize winner on X-rated Home Videos!”I jerked my head up.Yuck.What kind of sicko actually wanted to witness such a gruesome, ghastly sight, let alone tape it for Nielsen ratings?“Describe everything to me.” Mary leaned further across the counter with a feral gleam in her eye.“Every last detail.”I looked over at Harve the Horseman.His tongue darted out and retrieved donut crumbs from his lip, his eyes wide with anticipation.What was wrong with these people?“I’m sorry, I really can’t discuss the details of this since there is an ongoing investigation.” I hedged, not willing to share my celebrity with Damian and his evil twin sister here.“Investigation?” Harve took his green co-op cap off his head, smoothed his thinning hair, and put the hat back in place.“What investigation? They know who did it.They’ve already made arrests.”I put a hand on the counter to steady myself.Talk about your brilliant police work! I’d been convinced when I left the sheriff’s office last night that the authorities hadn’t believed a word I said.Now here, the next morning, they’d already made an arrest.“That’s fantastic!” I gushed.“Utterly fantastic.What awesome police work.”“Say what?” Harve snorted.“Barney Fife could’ve solved this crime.They were caught red-handed.”Caught red-handed? How? Where?“Something was red, but I guarantee you it wasn’t hands,” Mary snickered.Harve hooted.I blinked.How could these people be so callous and unfeeling?“How could you?” I asked, at my wits’ end with Thelma and Louis here.“How could you?”“What’s got you all bent: out of shape?” Harve asked.“You are discussing last night’s criminal activity, aren’t you?” I said.“What the hell do you think we’re discussing?”“I’m missing something here,” I said.“How can that be?” Mary turned disbelieving eyes on me.“You said you were there.You should know all about it.”“I do.I do.At least, I think I do.” I took a gulp of my cappuccino to jumpstart my brain function.“Well, then,” Mary gave me an exaggerated wink.“You must have seen ‘em all au naturelle.Tell me.Who’s the best hung?”“What? What? What was that?” I sputtered and began to cough.The contents of my mouth spewed out right onto Harve the Horseman’s eyeglasses, down his cheeks, and onto the collar of his white shirt.“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” I grabbed a napkin and began to wipe his glasses.“What in the hell is wrong with you, sister?” Harve gave me a whack on the shoulder.“You okay?”Was I? I had my doubts.Supersized ones.The door chimed.A mailman with ugly, knobby knees came in.“You hear about the ruckus last night?”I picked up a nearby local newspaper and stuck it in front of my face.“The boys’ baseball team was caught skinny-dipping out at the lake on the New Holland side last evening,” the bony-legged mailman went on.“They’ve all been charged with possession of alcohol by a minor.There go the play-offs.”I brought the paper down to nose level [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]