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.Anyway, as you’d expect, the new trolleys deterred most people from taking them off the premises.Most people.But not us.It just meant we would half push, half lift our trolley down the road, the wheels scraping the pavement.Those trolleys could have had elephants attached to them for all we cared – nothing would have stopped us getting our beer home.In between trips to the supermarket, we were also busy trying to keep our TV career afloat.After all the furore – or the mild bit of attention – we’d got from Beat the Barber, we’d had a meeting with the BBC, and their policy was very clear: ‘We want to keep you, but you’ve got to tone it down.’ Our policy was equally clear: ‘We’re not going to tone it down, so we’re leaving you.’ We’d often thought about flirting with other channels behind their backs, but this time we went the whole hog and committed to a full-blown relationship with another broadcaster.At the time, Channel 4 was the home of the edgiest, riskiest shows on TV – The Word, TFI Friday and Countdown, to name but three.In our first meeting with them, we asked Lucinda Whiteley, who was the Head of Children’s, if they’d let us shave people’s hair off.Her response? ‘You can shave their pubes for all we care!’ That was good enough for us, and we signed a deal with Channel 4.We also started our own production company, the cunningly titled Ant and Dec Productions.We were twenty-one, we had a new TV deal and we were the managing directors of our own TV company.I hate us, don’t you?November of that year marked my twenty-first birthday, and I had a surprise party, which was organized by my mam and Davey and held at FM’s bar in the centre of Newcastle.I was really pleased that my dad was invited, as it was the first time I’d seen him for a few years – it was a big surprise, even at a surprise party.It was a bit awkward at first, but it worked out fine.He told me that he’d sit away from everyone and keep himself to himself.He said he wasn’t there to cause a scene, just to say happy birthday and tell me he was very proud of me, which I appreciated.In a way, that night sums up my relationship with my dad.We still talk from time to time, but he doesn’t try and force his way into my life.I know that, down the years, he’s been offered money by newspapers to talk about me, and he could have made a tidy penny, but he’s always turned them down.He’s a plumber, and there’ve been times when he’s been out of work and the money would have come in handy, but he’s never done it – and I respect him for that.I know that, one day, we’ll probably see each other more regularly.My sister Sarha’s started seeing him since she had her son, Ethan, and I completely understand why, because whatever’s happened, Ethan is my dad’s grandson.The highlight of the evening came about an hour into the party.An enormous – and clearly cardboard – cake was wheeled towards me, and everyone started singing.I remember thinking, ‘What is this? Am I the only one who’s spotted that this cake is made of cardboard?’ The singing ended, and I was getting ready to thank everyone when I noticed that something inside the cake was moving.For my twenty-first, I’d asked for a boxer, and I thought, ‘Great, they’ve got me the dog.’ The top of the cake flew off and I couldn’t believe it when Lisa, who I’d been told had had to stay back home in Oxford, jumped out.Wearing a Newcastle United shirt.It was a fantastic surprise.I was over the moon, while at the same time thinking, ‘I really wanted that dog.’In the same month as Ant’s birthday, we released another single, ‘When I Fall in Love’, which hit number twelve.It seemed as though our new projects were working out very nicely, thank you.Despite our new image and our honesty in interviews, it hadn’t affected our record sales too much.We had a new series on Channel 4 about to launch, and things were looking better than they had for a long time.We didn’t know it yet but, within twelve months, the whole thing would collapse around our ears.Chapter 17Tuesday 18 February 1997.It’s a date that’s etched on quite literally no one’s brain, but that was when our new show with Channel 4, Ant and Dec Unzipped, first hit the front rooms of Great Britain.The show went out every Tuesday at six, but because we were so busy completely reinventing British pop music, I can hardly remember a thing about it.Still, at least that’s something we’ve got in common, eh, readers? Here’s what I can recall: Conor McAnally was back on producing duties and Dean Wilkinson was writing for us, but there was one big problem with the show: rebellion.Or a complete lack of it, to be precise.Ripping up the rulebook was a lot easier on BBC1 at 5 p.m.than it was on Channel 4 at 6 p.m.Channel 4 probably didn’t even have a rule-book and, if they did, it would have been torn to pieces long before we arrived.Channel 4 was so edgy that nothing we did seemed particularly risqué.The idea for the show was that me and Dec lived together in a flat, although at least we knew where the dishwasher was in this one.We were joined by celebrity guests and, each week, we put on a different show – one week might be a costume drama, the next a whodunnit, and so on – and by ‘and so on’, I mean that’s all I can remember.In many ways, the guests we had reflected our tastes at the time – there was Neil Hannon, the lead singer from the Divine Comedy, a great songwriter and someone whose work we really admired.And then there was Jo Guest.She was a topless model – and we admired her work too.Although we didn’t feel it was our finest hour or, to be more precise, ten half-hours, the show still won a Children’s BAFTA.Then something happened that’s very common in telly – everyone changed jobs.It’s just the way the industry works – I mean, it’s not as if people would change their whole job just to avoid working with us… is it? After ten shows of Unzipped, we went for a meeting at Channel 4, and it was less ‘Hi, guys, what do you want to do next?’ and more ‘Hi, guys, here’s your leaving present.’ After one series, our time at Channel 4 looked like it was coming to an end.We decided to take solace in song, and we went back to our music career.Fortunately, Telstar were about to put out The Cult of Ant and Dec, from which we’d already released two singles.There was a general election called for 1 May 1997, and we held a big launch party for the album at Chelsea Town Hall on the same night.Anyone who’s anyone was there, or at least anyone who didn’t give a toss about politics – I know Sophie Dahl and a policeman definitely turned up, because I had my picture taken with them.I still can’t believe Tony Blair didn’t make it, mind, apparently he had ‘better things to do’.All night at the party, you’d hear the same sentence: ‘Who’s going to get to Number Ten?’ I remember thinking, ‘I’m hoping for top five, to be honest.’The album came out, and we released our third single, ‘Falling’.A tour followed, with a live band, which was a different experience for us.We could interact with them on stage; we could drink with them after the show; and the whole thing made us feel like proper musicians.Despite the fact we toured and did monstrous amounts of promotion, though, The Cult of Ant and Dec didn’t do well.In hindsight, we probably confused the audience a bit.We were trying to go a bit more Cigarettes and Alcohol and a bit less Teddy Bears and Chocolates, and it just wasn’t working out [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]