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.”“I know, but like you said, you’re here and you’re listening.I need to tell you.Please, Cassie.”I shake my head and close my eyes.Even though I don’t want him to go on, I say, “Okay.”“So they were going after each other, putting on a show for me—”My eyes pop open.“Really, I don’t need to hear any of this.”He takes my hand, slipping his fingers through mine.“I’m not saying this to hurt you or make you jealous.I just… I need you to understand where I’m coming from.” His soft blue eyes plead with me.I nod for him to go on.“So the girls… I’d seen it all before.Done it all before.I’m not saying it wasn’t fun, but I realized I was tired of it.College is supposed to be about having fun, experimenting, doing things you’d never do in the ‘real world.’ But what you don’t know until it’s too late is that when you spread yourself over all those different people, it thins you out.It makes you less of who you are, and more of who they want you to be.Those girls wanted me to be their experimental, wild ride, the one who brought out the uninhibited tramps in them.They wanted the same thing from me that you wanted.I was tired of that role.It’s not who I am.”“But if it’s not who you are, why did you do it in the first place?”He looks at the picture of the haunted girl.The longer he stares at her, the more his eyes dim.“Necessity.”“What does that mean?”“I walked out on those girls.”I’m not convinced he’s ever going to tell me who that girl is, so I let him be.“I’m not even sure they noticed I’d left.I think they were just using me as an excuse to try some girl-on-girl.So I came straight to your house.You’d never told me why you wanted a fuck buddy—”“You wouldn’t let me.”He squeezes my leg.“Hush, Cassie.”From anyone else, it would have sounded condescending, but the way he says hush, drawing out the shhh, melts me a little.“I didn’t know what was going on in your head,” Tyler says, “but I was hoping… I was hoping I was wrong and it was just a ploy.I’ve had girls ask me to be their fuck buddy before when that wasn’t what they really wanted.It’s easy to tell when a girl just wants sex, and when she wants something more, like a boyfriend.“A few girls have tried to go about it backward.‘Let’s hook up,’ they say.Next thing I know, they’re asking me to their sister’s wedding.I learned a long time ago to stay away from those girls, but I was hoping…” He clears his throat.“I was hoping maybe I had read you wrong and you were one of them.Then we could cut through all the bullshit.”He twists to face me and takes my other hand.“I would have done it right, Cassie.I would have asked you on a date.I would have bought you flowers and gone stargazing with you every Sunday.You would have known from the beginning how much I cared about you and how much I wanted you.“But when you told me why you really wanted a fuck buddy, I could see in your eyes that you still loved Wyatt.You weren’t trying to trap me in a relationship.You didn’t even want me to be your experiment.You were only trying to get back something Wyatt stole from you: your heart.You thought I could help you, but I knew that didn’t mean you’d give me your heart once you had it back.“I know this sounds stupid, but being your fuck buddy was my one chance with you.So I took it.And I hoped, one day, you’d open your eyes and see me, the guy who risked a broken heart just to be with you any way I could.”I never thought Tyler could make me feel like a complete and total asshole—he’s the one with the reputation, after all—but he’s done it up good.“Tyler, I’m sorry—”“Stop.I don’t want you to feel bad.I made the choice to be your fuck buddy.I knew what I was getting into.There’s no reason for you to feel guilty.That’s not what I want.I’m telling you this so you’ll understand why I got so mad when you kissed that teacher.I was jealous as hell and pissed at myself for getting into such a shitty situation.I was pissed at you for not seeing how much I cared about you and how much I wanted you to care about me.I figured you’d come in and tell me to leave, that I’d served my function and you were ready to move on.I had a million angry thoughts shouting around my brain, and none of them let me believe for a minute that it wasn’t over between us—”“Tyler?”“Yeah?”“I think this is the most words I’ve heard from you in one sitting.”He smiles, but it’s a small one, not big enough to crinkle the skin around his eyes.“I only talk a lot when it matters.”“And this matters?”“More than you’ll ever know.” He presses our hands together and stares at them.“Now that you know…” He swallows hard [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]