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.“I’m tired of all these deaths.Always young people of the Pack.Innocent, outstanding people in our Pack who should have lived to be grandmothers and grandfathers.Who should have been Alphas and mothers and fathers, and instead are bones and dust.Maybe I’m growing old.Maybe I’m seeing conspiracies where there is nothing but grim reality.Maybe I’m afraid of growing old and dying and I’m trying to keep death at bay.I don’t know, Constance, and because I don’t know, because maybe I’m seeing things where there is nothing to see, I am asking you and your bond mate to help me.”“Maybe we’ll see things too.We lost people and I know I want to make somebody payfor that,” I admitted, fists clenched.“I know.You’ve put yourself in that role, haven’t you? Every day you blame yourself and punish yourself for driving that car that night.And you too, Liam.One of the finest Alphas Mac Tíre ever had and now you grow vegetables in the back garden of some small cottage near Belfast, and refuse to let yourself off the hook for not being there to keep your bond mate from tripping over that box.” Allerton’s eyes were fierce and furious as he talked, and I felt his power.He was strong.He was a leader.And he was so angry the entire room seemed to shimmer with his rage.“But what if you could prove somebody else did it? It wouldn’t bring them back, but you could stop that person from doing it to other people.Others of our Great Pack.You could have that much back.And you could forgive, perhaps, and go on.Let yourselves go on?”“What if we don’t find out anything?” I asked.“What if all we do is chase our tails round and round and round?”“Well, at least you won’t be filling your closet with shoes you’ll never wear and growing vegetables you’ll never eat.” The Councilor’s fury wasn’t gone, just controlled.Chapter 7In the car on the way to Paris, I kicked off my shoes and tried to stretch my legs but the Renault wouldn’t cooperate.Murphy drove well.I didn’t much like being in cars since the accident.I never got behind the wheel and I never intended to again, either.I took buses and subways mostly, taxis if I absolutely had to, but I managed to keep out of private cars as much as possible.This Renault was the first car I’d ridden in, in more than a year.Since the realtor’s car in Boston when I’d looked at condos.I tried not to think about the fact I was in a car and instead picked up the shoe with the scuffed toe and turned it over and over in my hands, staring at it as best I could through the dashboard lights.The sun had set and it was dark, windy too.The car buffeted back and forth on the road and I tried not to think about that, either.Murphy and I had gotten into a fight earlier when I wouldn’t fasten my seatbelt and he’d refused to start the car until I did.Not a fight so much as a battle of wills.I lost.I think that bastard would have been perfectly prepared to sleep in that car rather than drive it, and I couldn’t walk all the way to Paris.Not on stiletto heels.So I chose the lesser of two evils.An hour in a car wearing a seatbelt.Or sleeping in one.Murphy was still pissed off at me, because he wasn’t talking.He’d called me a selfish bitch for not wearing a seatbelt.“You have the damndest ways of giving tribute to your dead, you know that? It’s pathetic and weak, and not particularly attractive!”I hadn’t said anything.I’d let him yell and rant at me while I sat there and debated whether I wanted to try to walk to Paris, and whether I wanted to do what Allerton had asked us to do.I’d agreed to give it a shot, but that was because Murphy wanted to do it.I didn’t think if I did find out somebody had deliberately caused my accident that it would in any way alleviate my guilt.Nothing could change the fact I’d been behind the wheel.Or had lived when they’d died.“I think it’s bullshit Allerton believes I buy shoes because I’m guilty,” I remarked into the frigid silence between me and Murphy.“I bought lots of shoes way before the accident.You could ask anybody.I’ve always had more shoes than clothes.”“I think he meant that now you buy shoes to fill the hole in your life.” Murphy unbent enough to talk to me.About five minutes after I spoke.“Oh,” I said, embarrassed.Then I got mad.“That bastard.Fuck him.”“I admit I grow vegetables so I don’t have to think about anything,” Murphy said.His voice was calm, reasonable--serene even--as if it didn’t even bother him to be dissected by a Councilor.Did the man have no pride? Did anything sting him?“And you really don’t eat them? What? Are they poisoned with your guilt?” My voiceswooped derisively and his face lit up with amusement.“I hate most vegetables,” he admitted.“I don’t seem to grow the ones I do like.”“That is ridiculous, Murphy,” I snapped.“I know.” He gave me one his boyish grins.I took one look at the hotel suite in Paris and said, “You have to be rich, Murphy.”It wasn’t enough that we stayed at the Four Seasons Georges V.No, we had a two—bedroom suite in the Four Seasons Georges V bigger than my condo in Boston.I looked at all the antique furniture and cursed silently.“I do all right,” he agreed.He tipped the bell boy, closed the door, bolted it and looked at my suitcases with a rueful grin.I’d insisted on bringing up all my stuff.I didn’t want my shoes sitting in the trunk of a rental car all damn night.“Traveling with you is going to be a bitch,” he predicted.I was secretly appalled at all my stuff too.I’d never traveled before.I had no idea shoes took up so much space in a suitcase.“You can’t be badly off yourself to afford a condo in Boston.” he stretched out in a very pretty chair upholstered in cream-and-brown crewel-embroidered fabric.Slouched in the chair like that, he looked downright cute.He definitely was an attractive man.“I spent most of the money on the condo.” I wandered around and gingerly touched some of the less fragile decorations.“Anyway, it was Elena’s money, not mine.She was the one with the great job and the savings account.I had to spend it so Jonathan couldn’t figure out a way to take it from me.Besides, a condo can be a home.It seems a lot less like blood money than a bank statement with a lot of zeros on the end that you’re not used to seeing.”“The more I hear about this Jonathan, the less I like the bastard.I hope we don’t run into him [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]