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.But where did that leave Grant?"Babe, please don't shut me out.""I'm afraid of what I'm feeling.Hayden was it for me.I didn't think I'd ever be with another man.And now I'm with you.I like that, but I'm torn.I feel guilty, but I know I shouldn't.He's dead and yet, I don't know what he'd say about us being together."Grant pulled him closer and kissed his forehead.They stayed like that for a moment then Grant grabbed the soap and washed Roger's body, shampooing his hair before cleaning himself.When Grant shut off the water, Roger still didn't know what to do.Grant dried him and led him to the bed where they snuggled under the covers.He drifted off quickly in Grant's arms and when he woke, he knew exactly who held him.Hayden hadn't come to him in his dreams, and he hadn't woken up feeling guilty.His flight was later in the afternoon, but he'd have to drive to Denver so staying in bed wasn't an option.While he puled on his clothes, he watched Grant, studying the slope of his brow and the rough stubble on his cheeks.How he'd found a man so good was a miracle.He hadn't thrown a fit about the Hayden thing.Grant had been through hell and yet he was still nice.Grant's eyelashes fluttered before he opened his eyes.They stared at each other for a moment before Grant sat up."Give me a moment to brush my teeth.Don't go anywhere."Roger stood in the doorway to the bathroom, watching Grant as rinsed out his mouth.The flex of Grant's muscles was turning Roger on but they had things that had to be done before he left on his trip."Thanks.""You're welcome, but what are you thanking me for?""Not freaking out when I mentioned Hayden.He was a huge part of my life, my first real lover.I mean, I'd fucked other guys and a few girls before him, but there was no one in my life like Hayden."Grant turned and leaned against the counter, crossing his arms over his chest.He looked totally relaxed though he was naked.Roger didn't know if he'd be so relaxed standing nude while talking about his new lover's old flame."I know you wouldn't have even looked twice at me if Hayden were still alive, and I'm fine with that.Hell, you wouldn't even be here.I get that he was your world and one day soon, I want you to tell me all about him.I'm not jealous, how could I be? I would wonder about you a bit if you weren't still in love with him.""You mean that?""Yeah.He's a part of you and I can't expect you to forget about him or the things you shared just because I'm here.He didn't mean to leave and you shouldn't have to stop loving him just because he's gone.""Thanks, really, it means a lot that you don't want me to forget him.""Come here." Grant opened his arms and they stayed together for a long moment, holding and comforting each other.They'd both been through a lot in the last year.When he left the Marines, he didn't think he'd ever find anyone whom he'd want a relationship with, but with Grant, he could see them lasting.They parted, and Grant pulled on his clothes before they headed to the kitchen for food.Roger was leaving within the hour and Duff had a lot of information to deliver to him.He would be studying on his way to South Africa.It was a bit ridiculous to fly into South Africa then up to England, but he was entering the country under the name of a current government official.They were risking a lot, hoping the real official didn't want to leave the country, but the subterfuge was necessary to make their plan work.He said bye to everyone, wishing he had an extra moment with Grant, but they had no privacy, and he wasn't going to make it known to everyone that they were in a relationship.Last night had been amazing, giving him hope that he could be happy again.It may take them a while, but he and Grant could have something.Anticipation filled him.This was his first trip and he wasn't going to fuck it up.Once he landed in Cape Town, he'd only have eight hours to obtain his new identification, gather the supplies needed for his next mission, and become Patrick Smit, an inspector in the South African police system.Chapter TenMarshal didn't like falling asleep again, but he couldn’t help it.He'd been tired and Zander had been keeping him up late.Duff had given him six months to rest.None of the guys said anything about it, but he still felt guilty at times.Close to nine, he woke and rolled out of bed, refusing to sleep anymore.He'd kept his body in shape by working out.Pumping iron in their gym helped, but the farm work he'd taken on, that made all the difference.He grabbed a quick bite before heading out.About thirty minutes after he started working, James found him in the barn shoveling out the stalls."Marshal, haven't seen you much.""Yeah, I've been keeping busy."James pulled out a stool and watched Marshal work.His brows were bunched together and it looked like he had something to say.Marshal kept working, deciding not to push the man."You ever think about leaving?" James finally asked.Marshal stopped shoveling shit and leaned against the stall's doorframe."I don't know.On the one hand, yes.Before Duff let me take this break, I thought about just walking away.""I would have missed you."He leaned the shovel up against the wall, and took his gloves off slowly."So you don't think it's weird that I'm here but not working?""No, man.We all need a break.After you're done with yours, I think I'm going to ask for one.""Don't wait." Marshal grabbed a bottle of water, cracking the lid open."If you need a break, take it now.I was kidding myself sticking it out, thinking that I could handle things when it got to be too much.I probably could have taken a month off and worked backup for the next three and been fine.It was a mistake to wait.When I finally agreed to take time off, I was at the breaking point.Zander helps, but I'm snowed under with emotions that drive me crazy at times.""Wait, you and Zander?"His face heated and he shrugged."Yeah, we aren't being overly open.I guess it's time everyone knew.We're just going slow I guess.""Okay, I guess I should have known.Really, it's not a huge surprise.So how is that going—you and Zander?"Marshal smiled, wiping his face with his hand as he tried to hide his ridiculously huge grin."James, he's the best thing that has ever happened to me.""I wish I had someone like him.""He's great, I wouldn’t trade him for the world.I love him so much.He's good for me.I wish you could find someone like him.He really is great.So, is there anyone you're interested in here at Wild Bluff?""Nope.Not one of these guys makes me hot.And I've tried to be attracted to them, but none of them turns me on."Marshal nodded and took another sip of his water."Zander has always interested me.I just never thought we'd be together.""So you think you've been gay all along?" James asked."No, I'm bi.Women are still attractive.""You think you'd ever leave Zander for a woman?""No, I'll never leave Zander.I can't explain it.He's the only thing that matters to me.Really, I don't think I could breathe without him.He's wonderful."James laughed."You've got it bad.""Yeah, I do.Now, why don't you help me finish this work and then we can go grab a beer and catch the game on TV.I want to relax tonight, and with Roger gone, I know everyone else will be on duty making sure he's safe."James stood and stretched, moving to the tack room to grab a shovel.He called over his shoulder, "Sure thing, I could use the company.""So are you my official babysitter?""No, you don't have one.I just want to spend some time with you, and Duff asked me to help you with the ranch duties.So my responsibilities are out here on the farm.""Cool." Marshal followed him and placed a hand on James's shoulder."About England, you know, we never talked about it [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]