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.“Like that movie.”“City of Angels,” said Nan.“Yes!” His eyes lit up.“Like one of them is there, and if I was ready, I could just go and they’d take me… wherever.” His face burned a deep crimson.“You probably think I’m nuts,” he said with a half-laugh.“I don’t think that’s crazy at all,” Nan said.Leisa shook her head in agreement.“Really?” Todd asked, looking at them for any sign that they were laughing at him.“Not at all,” said Nan.“I absolutely believe we go on from here, that the people who loved us will be waiting for us.”“But you haven’t been ready to let go yet,” Leisa observed.Todd shrugged a little.“So maybe you still have things you’re supposed to do here,” she suggested.“Maybe your job here isn’t done.”Daniel pushed himself up from his chair, grimacing in pain and grabbing for his walker.Leisa rushed over to him.“Dad,” she said, wrapping an arm around him, “what do you need? Let me get it for you.” She could feel all of his ribs.He was down to about a hundred twenty pounds after several months of chemo and radiation.Despite the treatments, his prostate cancer had metastasized to his spine and pelvis, becoming much more painful.“I’m fine, little girl,” he said.“Got to keep moving.Where’s your mother?”“I think she’s at the computer,” Leisa said.Daniel’s expression darkened.“Come with me,” he said, leading the way slowly up the stairs to the office where Rose was searching the Internet.“Hi, honey,” she said, glancing up.“Rose –”“I’ve been finding all kinds of information…”“Rose –”“…on holistic treatments and other types of chemo we can ask about…”“Rose!” Daniel said more forcefully.Rose froze at the computer.Behind her, Daniel shuffled to a chair and lowered himself to it.Leisa knelt beside him, holding his hand, her heart pounding.“Rose,” he said again, more gently this time.“We have to talk.”She sat stiffly and silently, staring at the computer monitor.“I can’t,” Daniel said simply.“I can’t go through any more.It’s time.”Leisa closed her eyes as tears sprang to them.She hadn’t wanted to cry in front of her father, but she couldn’t help it.Over at the computer, Rose’s shoulders shook as she cried silently.“I want to enjoy the days I have left with my girls,” Daniel said affectionately.As far as Leisa knew, her mother did all her crying that afternoon.She was sure she must have cried more, but Leisa never saw it.They called hospice when Daniel couldn’t easily get out of bed anymore, and within three weeks of that conversation, he was gone.He died peacefully, at home, with his family around him.“Don’t be afraid,” he said to Leisa the day before he died.“It’s not hard if you’re ready.”“You’re still here for some reason, Todd,” Leisa said, though talking was hard as she remembered that afternoon with her parents.“As much as you trust that there’s someone waiting for you when it’s time, you need to trust that they haven’t taken you because there’s something you haven’t completed yet.”Todd’s father wanted to fly up to Baltimore immediately on Friday to drive back to Georgia with him.Nan convinced him to give Todd a couple of days.“He’s dealing with a lot, and it would probably do him some good to have some time away from… from doctors and hospitals,” she quickly amended.“You can call anytime you want, and I promise we’ll call you if he gets sick.”Leisa went to work on Friday, Nan’s last scheduled day home before returning to work the following week.“You sure you’ll be okay?” Leisa asked.Nan sighed in resignation.“I have to admit, it’s not how I planned to spend my last day at home, but we’ll be fine.” With a touch of wry humor, she added, “I feel like this is a warm-up for my clients.”Todd slept in late and had two huge bowls of cereal for breakfast.“How about a walk?” she suggested when he was done.“I could use some exercise.”“I don’t want to tell him what happened with the shooting,” Nan had insisted.“He’s got enough drama in his life.We’ll just say I’ve been sick if he asks.”She led the way now to the park, passing houses where azaleas and dogwoods and redbud were just coming into bloom.Todd looked around at everything with interest.“These already bloomed down in Georgia,” he observed.“I remember,” Nan said.“Savannah’s beautiful.”“Yeah.”“What are your plans for the summer?” she asked as they walked.Todd rolled his eyes.“There’s a family reunion in June,” he said dully.Nan looked up at him curiously.“You don’t want to go?”He shook his head.“Both sides of the family are the same, but this is my mom’s side.There’s tons of them.”“So what’s the problem?” Nan asked.Todd bent down to pick up a stick and began peeling the bark off as he walked.“I don’t fit in.”“What do you mean?”He walked a few more steps before saying, “Well, the cancer thing for one.No one ever knows what to say to me.They never ask me where I’ll be going to college or anything about the future.”“Does that make you feel like they’ve already written you off?” Nan probed.Todd looked down at her and smiled.“You’re the only one who says the things everyone is thinking, but won’t say out loud.”Nan laughed.“Lots of practice trying to figure people out.You do know that they just don’t want to remind you of what you might not have.Death is an awkward topic of conversation.It’s hard trying to know what’s okay to say and what’s not.Especially with a young person.”“I know,” he admitted, snapping the stick in his hands.“Plus… I’m the only one who’s adopted,” he added as if it didn’t matter.“Is that a problem for the relatives? I mean, your parents obviously are proud of you and love you very much,” she reminded him.“Yeah, but, we’re in the South.I swear, every time we get together with any relatives, someone makes some comment about ‘blood being thicker than water’ or ‘family is everything’.And all the comments about how much the grandkids look like this person or that person…” He released an exasperated breath.Nan thought about the things Leisa had said to her over the years.“And you don’t look like anyone.Don’t you feel like family?”Todd looked skyward as he struggled to explain.“It’s not me.It’s like… every time someone says something about family, they look at me real quick like they’re afraid they said something that would offend me, so it’s more like they don’t think of me as family.”Nan laughed and said, “Believe me, even when you’re born into a family, you can feel like you aren’t part of it.” She proceeded to tell him a little about her family.“Wow,” Todd said after listening.“Your family is more screwed up than mine [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]