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.Rehab was slow stretches on the mats, then gripping onto the parallel bars while you tried to coax your right leg into moving forward; once you could lurch along the bars and back, rehab was time on one of the exercise machines, flat on your back, your legs bent, your feet pressed against a pair of pedals connected to a series of weights you raised by extending your legs.Rehab was about confronting pain, inviting it in, asking it to sit down and have a beer so the two of you could talk for a while.Rehab was not leaning on the heavy-duty opiates and their synthetic friends; it was remaining content with the over-the-counter options and ice-packs.It was the promise of a walk outside-an enticement that made Davis 's palms sweat and his mouth go dry.When the surgeon had told Davis the operation had been a success, there appeared to be no permanent damage to his spinal cord, Davis had imagined himself, freed of his cast and its coterie of pulleys and counterweights, sitting up on his own and strolling out the front door.Actually, he'd been running in his fantasy.The reality, he quickly discovered, was that merely raising himself to a sitting position was an enterprise far more involved than he ever had appreciated, as was a range of action so automatic it existed below his being able to admit he'd never given it much thought.He supposed the therapists here were as good as you were going to find, but that didn't make the routines they subjected him to-he subjected himself to-any easier or less painful.It was during one of these sessions, his back feeling as if it had been scraped raw and the exposed tissue generously salted, that Davis had his first inkling that Fallujah was not a self-contained narrative, a short, grisly tale; rather, it was the opening chapter of a novel, one of those eight-hundred-page, Stephen King specials.Lucy, Davis 's primary therapist, had him on what he had christened the Rack.His target was twenty leg presses; in a fit of bravado, he had promised her thirty.No doubt, Davis had known instances of greater pain, but those had been spikes on the graph.Though set at a lower level, this hurt was constant, and while Lucy had assured him that he would become used to it, so far, he hadn't.The pain glared like the sun flaring off a window; it flooded his mind white, made focusing on anything else impossible.That Lucy was encouraging him, he knew from the tone of her voice, but he could not distinguish individual words.Already, his vision was blurred from the sweat streaming out of him, so when the blur fractured, became a kaleidoscope-jumble of color and geometry, he thought little of it, and raised his fingers to clear his eyes.According to Lucy, Davis removed his hand from his face, paused, then fell off the machine on his right side, trembling and jerking.For what she called his seizure's duration, which she clocked at three minutes, fifteen seconds, Davis uttered no sound except for a gulping noise that made his therapist fear he was about to swallow his tongue.To the lieutenant, then to Lee and eventually Han, Davis would compare what he saw when the rehab room went far away to a wide-screen movie, one of those panoramic deals that was supposed to impart the sensation of flying over the Rockies, or holding on for dear life as a roller coaster whipped up and down its course.A surplus of detail crowded his vision.He was in the middle of a sandy street bordered by short buildings whose walls appeared to consist of sheets of long, dried grass framed with slender sticks.A dozen, two dozen women and children dressed in pastel robes and turbans ran frantically from one side of the street to the other as men wearing dark brown shirts and pants aimed Kalashnikovs at them.Some of the men were riding brown and white horses; some were stalking the street; some were emerging from alleys between the buildings, several of whose walls were releasing thick smoke.Davis estimated ten men.The sounds-it was as if the soundtrack to this film had been set to record the slightest vibration of air, which it played back at twice the normal level.Screams raked his eardrums.Sandals scraped the ground.Guns cracked; bullets thudded into skin.Horses whickered.Fire snapped.An immense thirst, worse than any he had known, possessed him.His throat was not dry; it was arid, as if it-as if he were composed of dust from which the last eyedropper of moisture had long been squeezed.One of the men-not the nearest, who was walking the opposite direction from Davis's position, but the next closest, whose horse had shied from the flames sprouting from a grass wall and so turned its rider in Davis's direction-caught sight of Davis, his face contracting in confusion at what he saw.The man, who might have been in his early twenties, started to raise his rifle, and everything sped up, the movie fast-forwarded.There was-his vision wavered, and the man's gun dipped, his eyes widening.Davis was next to him-he had half-scaled the horse and speared the hollow of the man's throat with his right hand, whose fingers, he saw, were twice as long as they had been, tapered to a set of blades.He felt the man's tissue part, the ends of his fingers (talons?) scrape bone.Blood washed over his palm, his wrist, and the sensation jolted him.His talons flicked to the left, and the man's head tipped back like a tree falling away from its base.Blood misted the air, and before he realized what was happening, his mouth was clamped to the wound, full of hot, copper liquid.The taste was rain falling in the desert; in three mighty gulps, he had emptied the corpse and was springing over its fellows, into the midst of the brightly robed women and children.The immediate result of Davis 's three-minute hallucination was the suspension of his physical therapy and an MRI of his brain.Asked by Lucy what he recalled of the experience, Davis had shaken his head and answered, "Nothing." It was the same response he gave to the new doctor who stopped into his room a week later and, without identifying himself as a psychiatrist, told Davis he was interested in the nightmares that had brought him screaming out of sleep six of the last seven nights.This was a rather substantial change in his nightly routine; taken together with his recent seizure, it seemed like cause for concern.Perhaps Davis could relate what he remembered of his nightmares?How to tell this doctor that closing his eyes-an act he resisted for as long as he could each night-brought him to that yellow-brown street; the lime, saffron, and orange cloth stretching as mothers hauled their children behind them; the dull muzzles of the Kalashnikovs coughing fire? How to describe the sensations that still lived in his skin, his muscles: the tearing of skin for his too-long fingers; the bounce of a heart in his hand the instant before he tore it from its setting; the eggshell crunch of bone between his jaws? Most of all, how to convey to this doctor, this shrink, who was either an unskilled actor or not trying very hard, the concentrate of pleasure that was the rush of blood into his mouth, down his throat, the satisfaction of his terrific thirst so momentary it made the thirst that much worse? Although Davis had repeated his earlier disavowal and maintained it in the face of the doctor's extended-and, to be fair, sympathetic-questions until the man left, a week's worth of poor sleep made the wisdom of his decision appear less a foregone conclusion [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]