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.I thought I was sheltered, living at Omega Mu Gamma, but you? You have people take care of things for you, you’re waited on hand and foot, and money makes your problems go away! You’re a billionaire, Lawrence, and you aren’t on my level, at all, as cliché as that sounds.I have more in common with a frat boy than with you.”“So why are you here with me, instead of with some random fraternity guy?”“Because I can’t get you out of my mind! Believe me, I’ve tried, but what you don’t understand, Lawrence, is that you make me a better person.As fucked up as this sounds, I want to be a better person so that I’m worthy of you, because maybe, I’ll win you back, because maybe, you’ll take notice of what I’m doing and eventually forgive me, but apparently, that was a waste of time.”“If you think it’s a waste of time, then you’re doing it for all the wrong reasons, Kim.You think I got to where I am because I was trying to impress a girl? No.I know men that have done that and as soon as the woman leaves their life, they’re back where they started, in terms of ambition, in terms of drive, and so what I do? I do for myself, and for nobody else.I don’t try to impress anyone, Kim.I don’t have to, and I don’t try to.”“Exactly: you don’t have to.You don’t know my story, Lawrence.You don’t know my struggle, where I’m from, or how I work, but still, you insist with your very presence, with your very existence, on capturing my affections.I can’t run away from you like I ran away from the paparazzi or today, am sort of running away from college.”“And why not, Kim?”“Because I’m in love with you, damn it, even given the fact that you’re so fucked up and flawed, in ways that are different than the ways I am, but I’m still in love with you, and you haven’t noticed.You haven’t cared.You’re just doing whatever billionaires do, while I sort out the drama at Omega Mu.You have no idea what goes on in that house, or the fact that I’m the one that’s basically had to clean up a bunch of messes I didn’t make, just to ensure my scholarship isn’t at stake.”“Your.scholarship?”“Exactly, see, again, something you didn’t know about me.The fact that I was a member of Omega Mu because they offered me a very large scholarship, one that would cover the loans I was taking out, so I will be able to graduate with only five thousand dollars in student loans, less than a tenth of what I expected.You know why I put up with being the sorority president’s servant girl, essential? Why I do her dirty work? Because although you might not have a price, most people do, and mine.mine was apparently about fifteen thousand bucks a year, plus room and board, plus all the other benefits of being part of Omega House.”“I had no idea, Kim, I’m.”“Sorry, right? Because you had no idea, right? Because you gave a shit about my financial situation before, right? Because you, the billionaire bachelor, can really relate to my life? Who paid for you to go to college?”“My grandparents.”“Did you have loans? Did you ever struggle to pay the bills?”“No.never.It was always taken care of for me.By other people.”“Wow, sounds like that probably made being a billionaire a Hell of a lot easier, when you didn’t have to worry about things being taken care of, because for you, there’s always ‘other people’.Guess what? I’m one of those ‘other people’, essentially, and that’s what I’ll always be.My mom used to be one of those ‘other people’, cleaning houses until she got her store with my dad, but you wouldn’t know that, because you never asked.You never asked, and you’re never going to.”‘I’m sorry, Kim.”“I don’t care!”“Kim, look at me.I’m sorry, okay?”“It’s not okay! It’s never going to be okay!” I felt my eyes well up with tears and I blinked them up and away so that they wouldn’t make my eye makeup smudge.I’d bared my soul to Lawrence, I wasn’t about to bare my skin, but I got up from the table and just left, the bus back to campus rolling up.I didn’t look to see if Lawrence was chasing me, because I knew he wasn’t, and it wouldn’t matter if he were either.Sartre wasn’t right: It was H.P.Lovecraft, who wrote of it best: Hell is not other people.Hell is the whole fucking universe and it is a Hell as able to corrupt the body, as it is the mind.In a universe where the cheapest way to get from point a to point b is by utilizing public transit, expect a loss of all right or reason to personal space and dignity.Prepare not to be Sisyphus but to be the ball, ever in danger of crushing an infant in a stroller while its matron is occupied with an e-reader and attempting to connect to every open Wi-Fi connection the bus passes [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]