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.What was wrong with staying right here? I could learn to cook and clean house.I could iron clothes (if I had any).Maybe I could learn to sew and make craft items out of Popsicle sticks.I just didn't want to go out again.I was beginning to feel about the real world as I did about swimming in the ocean.Off the Santa Teresa coast, the waters of the Pacific are murky and cold, filled with USTs (unidentified scary things) that can hurt you real bad: organisms made of jelly and slime, crust-covered creatures with stingers and horny pincers that can rip your throat out.Mark Messinger was like that: vicious, implacable, dead at heart.Henry left at ten o'clock.Dietz turned the TV on, waiting up for the news while I went back to bed.I stirred twice during the night, glancing at the clock; once at 1:15 a.m., and again at 2:35.The light was still on downstairs and I knew Dietz was awake.He seemed to thrive on very little sleep while I never got quite enough.The light coming over the loft rail was a cheery yellow.Anyone coming after me would be forced to contend with him.Reassured, I drifted off again.Given my anxiety level, I slept well and woke with some of my old energy, which lasted almost until I got downstairs.Dietz was still in the shower.I made sure the front door was locked.I considered loitering outside the bathroom, listening to him sing, but I was afraid he'd catch me at it and perhaps take offense.I made a pot of coffee, set out the milk, the cereal boxes, and the bowls.I peered out one of the windows, opening the wooden shutter just a crack.All I could see was a slit of the flower bed.I pictured Messinger across the street with a bolt-action sniper rifle with a l0x scope trained so he could blow my head off the minute I stirred.I retreated to the kitchenette and poured some orange juice.I hadn't felt this threatened since my first day in elementary school.Coming out of the bathroom, Dietz seemed surprised to find me up.He was wearing chinos and a form-fitting white T-shirt.He looked solid and muscular, without an ounce of extra fat.He disarmed the portable alarm system, opened the door, and brought the paper in.I noticed I was careful to hang back out of the line of fire.Some forms of mental illness probably feel just like this.I pulled a stool out and sat down.He tossed the paper on the counter and then did a brief detour into the living room.He came back with the Davis, which he'd apparently taken from my purse.He placed it on the counter in front of me.He poured himself some coffee and sat down on the stool across from mine.I murmured, "Good morning."He nodded at the Davis."I want you to dump that.""What for?""It's a pocket pistol.Useless under the circumstances."I resisted the temptation to say something flip."I just got that!""Get another one.""But why?""It's cheap and unreliable.It's not safe to carry with a round in the chamber, which means you have to keep the magazine full, the chamber empty, and the safety off.If you're in trouble, I don't want you having to rack the slide to chamber a round in order to put it into action.You can get a new holster while you're at it."I stared at him.He didn't seem that impressed with the look I was giving him.He said, "Where's the closest gun shop?""I don't have the money.You're talkin' five or six hundred bucks.""More like eleven hundred for the gun you should have.""Which is what?""Heckler Koch P7 in nine-millimeter.You can get it used somewhere.It's the latest yuppie firearm.It looks good in the glove compartment of a BMW, but it's still right for you.""Forget it!" I said.This time he stared at me.I felt myself faltering."Even if I bought a gun today, I'd have to wait two weeks to pick it up.""You can use the Davis until then, but not with those cartridges.You should be using a high-velocity hollow-point like the Winchester Silvertip or a prefragmented round like the Glaser Safety Slug.I suggest the Winchester Silvertip.""Why those?" Actually it didn't matter.I was just feeling stubborn and argumentative.He ticked his reasons off, using his fingers for emphasis."It's less expensive for one thing and it's fairly widely used by law enforcement.With the underpowered thirty-two round, penetration is the most important-""All right.I got it," I said irritably."Is that all you did last night? Sit around thinking up this stuff?""That's all I did," he said.He opened the paper and checked the front page."Actually I have a Colt.45 out in the car.You can practice with both guns when we go up to the firing range.""When are we doing that?""After the gun shop opens at ten.""I don't want to go out.""We're not going to let the guy affect your life this way." His gray eyes came up to mine."Okay?""I'm scared," I said."Why do you think we're doing this?""What about the banquet?""I think we should go.He won't make another move for days.He wants you to think about your mortality.He wants your anxiety to mount until you jump every time the phone rings.""I already do that.""Have some breakfast.You'll feel better."I poured my cereal and some milk, still brooding while I ate [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]