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.I have to think of Tingulla.I don’t want to look like a silly young girl.I can’t deal with the business of running this place and appear a responsible adult when I obviously can’t even look after myself.Think of the embarrassment and shame it would bring to Mum and Dad …’ Her voice faltered.Millie sat down and folded her hands.‘So what do we do?’Queenie smiled slightly at the loyal Millie accepting the news as her problem too.‘I’m going into town to see Doctor Miller.He’ll advise me on how I go about … everything.I’ll probably go to Brisbane, maybe even Sydney, to give birth.But in the meantime I plan on moving over to Cricklewood to start work on that property.’Queenie had thought it all through.She spoke matter-of-factly.Millie was still struggling to take in all the details.‘Cricklewood? There’s nothing there.Just a rundown old property that’s been untouched for years and years.’‘That’s true, Millie.Dad and I did talk about developing the place one day … to run a few cattle and maybe start our horse breeding programme there.He left it to me in his will and — well — I’m just going to start work on it a bit sooner, that’s all.’Millie nodded.She understood Queenie would want to be as far away from prying eyes as possible.‘I would like you to come with me.I’ll take Snowy as well.Jim will have to stay here to keep an eye on things.Obviously he can come over to visit when he has time.It’s a good day’s drive.But I’ll need you with me, Millie.Ruthie will have to take over here.She’s young but you’ve trained her well.’Millie blinked.This was all going too fast.‘But who’s going to run Tingulla? Colin hasn’t graduated yet.’Queenie stood.‘I’ve put out feelers and made a few enquiries for a station manager.I have explained to everyone, including Colin, that I am tired and need a change and a rest.If anyone asks, I’m taking a holiday.’She had mulled over the idea of confiding in Colin, wishing she could open her heart to her brother, now her only family.But instinct warned Queenie that revealing the truth to Colin would not be prudent.Queenie drove into town late the following morning and parked in the middle of the broad street divided by a row of trucks and dusty cars.A cattle dog lay on the road, idly scratching its fleas.Queenie turned into a doorway where a wine-red glass box with a light in it hung above the entrance, with Doctor painted on it in gold lettering.Doctor Miller was understanding and sympathetic and maintained a detached professional manner.Queenie was brisk and businesslike as she informed him of her plans.He didn’t try to persuade her otherwise but simply asked in a steady voice, ‘Are you absolutely sure, Queenie?’She answered firmly, without hesitating.She’d done her soul and heart searching.‘Yes.You know I have no other choice.And termination is out of the question.’Looking down, the doctor lifted his pen.‘Very well then.I will write you a reference to my colleague Doctor Reese in Charters Towers who will take care of matters discreetly.I don’t know that your idea of staying on that undeveloped property during your term months is such a good thing, though.’Queenie shrugged.‘You say I’m fit and healthy.There’s a homestead there, although it’s run down — but it’s quite liveable.I’m taking Millie, my housekeeper and the senior stockman to work with me.’‘There is the matter of regular medical checkups, Queenie.’Queenie looked concerned, wondering how she was going to get around that problem.She couldn’t appear anywhere in the district while she was pregnant.Understanding her difficulty, Doctor Miller smiled at her.‘Well, I suppose I could drop in and see you at Cricklewood every couple of weeks.I make rounds to the outlying districts on a regular basis.A month before time you’ll have to go to Charters Towers.’Queenie looked relieved.‘Thank you, Doctor Miller.’Queenie did some shopping, stocking up with baggy men’s shirts and loose workmen’s overalls, and by the time she set off back to Tingulla it was dusk.She didn’t want to stay in the pub in town or drive late into the night.So after several hours driving she pulled off the track and lit a campfire, opening the sandwiches and Thermos of hot tea before rolling into her swag on the ground by the car.She lay there thinking about the day.Even though her plan was now in place, she hated all this deception.She felt she was being pushed along a path she didn’t want to follow.Trying to think through all the possibilities and the final outcome was hard.She sighed, telling herself to cope with each day as it came along.Why, oh why, had TR been so stubborn? Things could have been so different.She stared at the sky, a deep black dome inlaid with shining sparkles and pinpricks of silver.She remembered looking at these stars with her father, finding the Southern Cross and trying to count the Milky Way.Out here, far from any town, the night sky seemed close and comforting.An image of TR’s brilliant blue eyes flashed in her mind, and her heart lurched.Softly she began counting the stars, longing for sleep to come and obliterate the memories.At Tingulla the next day, Queenie sat in her office and wrote letters to stock and station agencies, advertisements for the Land and Country Life newspapers and, on the spur of the moment, a quick note to Dingo McPherson.During their morning smoko Jim looked solemn as Millie blurted out the news about Queenie.‘Now you keep it to yourself, Jim.But I just don’t think it’s right.Her giving away a baby to strangers.A baby we could all love.But that’s Queenie’s decision.’Jim gave Millie a sympathetic smile.They had no children and Millie longed for a large family.She had faint memories of her own sisters and brothers, an extended family of cousins and kids who seemed to belong to everyone.Until they were taken away to the mission schools.She’d lost touch with all her family now [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]