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.He tried to cheer himself.Tomorrow, he thought, is another night.He could always get up early, buy batteries and there was bound to be a rerun that he'd enjoy, maybe Six Feet Under.If only he could get the four bitches out the door before midnight.Maybe he could score another pint at the blood bank without it being missed.He'd need a new hiding place, of course, for the blood and, if not more wafers, perhaps a stash of garlic as a safeguard, squirreled away someplace they would never find it.It was doable.Nothing could defeat the all-powerful vampire Prince of Darkness.Well, almost nothingThe Bell.FROM HELL!!!Jeff StrandI own a bell forged by Satan himself.With it, I can summon the Prince of Darkness to our plane of existence.I often think about doing it, but I fear my own power.Some question the authenticity of the bell."No way did Satan make that," they say."If Satan made a bell, it would be, like, some big, scary-looking thing made out of black iron with pentagrams carved into it, and, I dunno, boiling blood dripping down the side and stuff.That's just a stupid little plastic bell.It still has the price tag on it."Of them I ask, "Why would you assume that Lucifer is proficient in bell-making skills?" William Shakespeare may have been the most brilliant writer in human history, but did he know how to successfully milk a cow? Doubtful.Everybody has their own skill set.I don't see why Satan's bell must be an unholy spectacle to convince people of its origin.It was his first attempt.It's not going to be the Liberty Bell.The price tag I can't explain.Some phenomena are beyond the understanding of mortal man, and should remain that way.Sometimes my co-workers snatch the bell from my desk and ring it, just to tease and infuriate me.Wretched souls."Uh-oh!" they say."The devil's gonna be here any second! Everybody look busy!" I explain that the bell must be rung six hundred and sixty-six times for the summoning to take place.Fortunately, my co-workers do not have the patience for that much ringing.No, I did not get the bell from Satan directly.It's ridiculous to think that I would have.I'm not so caught up in feelings of self-worth and ego to think that Satan would feel the need to personally deliver his gift to me, any more than the president of the United States has to hand deliver a certificate of commendation for it to be a thoughtful gesture.One of his minions presented me with the bell three months ago.This is where my frustration with my co-workers becomes almost unbearable.Yes, Satan's minion took human form.Because of this fact, my co-workers constantly insist that it was not a demon at all, but rather a homeless man selling junk he'd stolen from the dollar store.Logic eludes them.Why do they think that Satan would be stupid enough to send a scaly, red-skinned, sulphur-scented, prehensile-tail-wearing demon to wander the brightly lit streets? Of course the demon would have transformed itself into something passable as human.They simply don't understand this line of reasoning.Oh, I guess I should point out that I'm not a devil worshiper.I can see where you might get the wrong idea.I'm actually a reasonably devout Christian, which is why it surprised me more than anybody when the minion sold me the bell for such a low price.I would've expected him to choose somebody who practices the dark arts, or listens to evil music, or at least reads Harry Potter.But, no, I was chosen.I don't want to see Hell on earth or a thousand years of darkness or anything like that.If I do end up summoning Satan, it'll be to defeat him.My co-workers have a great big laugh at that.I'm fully aware of how it sounds, but I wish they'd give me credit for not being a complete idiot.I'm not saying that I'm going to whip out my +3 vorpal sword and lop off Beelzebub's head for eight thousand experience points; I'm just saying that if I did use, the bell, I could conceivably summon him under circumstances where his evil would be vanquished once and for all."Whatcha gonna do, trap him under a net?" asks Rick from Corporate Accounting, playing with the bell.I really shouldn't leave it sitting out on my desk."No," I say, trying not to let my impatience show."I am not going to trap him under a net.His skin would burn right through it." How can he be so highly paid and yet so ignorant?"Gonna use your martial arts skills on him?"I sigh."I don't have martial arts skills.""Really? I thought you were, like, a ninja or something."He's making my brain hurt."I admire ninjas.I'm not one myself.""Bummer.""It's not a bummer.I have no interest in taking a human life.""But you're trying to kill Satan." "I never said I was trying to kill Satan.All I've said is that if I can figure out a way to trap him, I might summon him with the bell.That's a pretty big 'if.' I'm not trying to pass myself off as some mighty devil hunter—I'm just saying that if I figured out a workable plan, I might try to rid the world of him.Give me a frickin' break."Rick jiggles the bell [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]