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.“Of course I don’t want that.Everyone would probably think it’s some kind of joke or something.They all stare at me enough as it is.I don’t need to give them more of a reason.”“People are only staring because they’re curious, Kara.And they feel bad for you.”“I’m sick of people feeling bad for me.” I grabbed a napkin from the table and started shredding it to pieces.Jack leaned across the table and lowered his voice to almost a whisper.“They feel bad for you because they know how easily it could’ve been them.You shattered their ‘it won’t happen to me’ illusion.That blows their minds, so they stare.But once they get through their head that this is how it is now, they’ll stop staring.Things will go back to normal.”“For them,” I said, anger creeping into my voice.“But not for me.I’ll never walk again.I’ll never dance again.I’ll be in this chair while they forget about what happened and go back to thinking that it won’t happen to them.Which it won’t.But it did happen to me.” Hot tears pricked up in my eyes, and I bit down hard to keep them from falling.I hadn’t admitted this to anyone.I’d barely admitted it to myself.I watched Jack’s face register what I’d said and the tears gathering in my eyes.His eyes crinkled and the sides of his mouth turned down.He moved his hand from the back of my chair to my knee, and he squeezed it.I couldn’t feel it, obviously, but I watched him do it, and it wasn’t lost on me that he was the first person besides the doctors to actually touch my legs.Everyone else avoided them like they had actually been chopped off my body and I was wheeling myself around on my chair with bloody stumps.“I wish I could make things go back to the way they were for you, Kara.I really do.” His voice caught and he moved his hand quickly from my leg.“So does Amanda.” He cleared his throat and stood up.“You know we’re here for you.Both of us.For whatever you need.”“I know.Thank you.”“I really do think you should go through with it, though.The Homecoming thing.I think it would help you feel like yourself again.”I shook my head.“That’s not who I was before the accident, anyway.”“Yeah.But I know you feel like everyone is looking at you.This way they would be looking at you on your own terms, you know? They’re looking because you want them to look.”He had a point.If people were going to stare, it might as well be because I put myself out there.But still, ugh.No.“And I need to come up with a ridiculous fund-raiser.There’s no way I’m doing that.” There was a fund-raising element to our Homecoming that allegedly started out as a way to make the whole thing more than just a popularity contest.It was split up fifty–fifty: half of the queen selection was done through voting for the candidate, and half was done through voting by donating spare change to your favorite fund-raiser and seeing which raised the most money.But the fund-raisers had all morphed into silly, frivolous things, and it became an unspoken contest between all the queen nominees to come up with the most ridiculous project.A few years ago, someone raised money to pay for the principal to buy some more fashionable clothes, and last year the girl who won raised money to buy a star and name it after our school mascot.And it wasn’t just that.I was sure water polo didn’t want me, and after the way Curt and all those guys treated me, I wanted nothing to do with them.“Listen, it’s your decision,” Jack said.“But I think you putting yourself out there will be a reminder for people.They can’t forget it could happen to them if you keep reminding them, you know? So, will you think about it?”He was right—I couldn’t change what had happened to me, but maybe I could be a reality check for other people.Plus, part of me didn’t want to give up on that crazy dream of being Homecoming Queen, and another part of me didn’t want Curt to think he could treat me the way he did and get away with it.But my plan at school was to blend in.Become invisible and hide myself from the sympathetic head tilt, not put myself right in the path of it.“I’ll think about it,” I said.“That’s all I can promise right now.”“Kara, you can do this.You can do anything.” Jack looked at me like he actually believed this, and it made me feel the most normal I had in weeks.I reached for his hand and squeezed his fingers.I opened my mouth to thank him.For his belief in me and his encouragement.For being so supportive and making me feel like myself.But I didn’t get a chance.“Did you guys miss me?” Amanda bounded back across the food court, almost slamming into Jack.“The mushiest romance ever is about to start in twenty minutes, and my boss is happy to let us in free.Let’s go, team.”But my mind was a million miles away from the movie.Instead, I was replaying my conversation with Jack over and over.Could I do this?Could Wheelchair Girl actually run for Homecoming Queen?CHAPTER 13On our way home from the mall, Amanda leaned from the backseat into the space between me and Jack.“Can you take me home first? I’m not feeling well.Too much popcorn, I think.”“Sure,” Jack said.“I’ll drop you off real quick and then I’ll take Kara home.”“Well, that’s dumb.” I twisted around to look at Amanda, who was clutching her stomach.“There’s no point in dropping you off and then making him take me home when you guys live right next door to each other.”“I really don’t feel well, Kara,” she said, and I guess she did look a little green.“I’d rather be home, like, now.You don’t mind, right, Jack?”Jack shook his head.“It’s not that far.I don’t mind.”So, even though it made no sense, Jack dropped Amanda off, drove past his own house, and took me home [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]