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.Dr.Gerald Jampolsky asked the great question: “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?”Some people become passionate about their political or religious beliefs, all of which have been learned from someone else in some way.But when you put those beliefs aside for a while, they lose their ability to stir your emotions or to inflame your anger.I have friends and meet people with ideas and opinions that range all over the political and religious spectrums.In most cases, we get along well together because we simply put aside the discussion of opinions on which we differ.We consciously and deliberately discipline ourselves to detach from these ideas, and we focus instead on subjects that we agree on and in which we share common interests.Refuse to Blame Anyone for AnythingThe chief cause of negative emotions and the primary destroyer of inner peace is blame.As I mentioned earlier in the book, it is not possible to have a negative emotion without having someone or something to blame in some way or for something.Blame requires one or both of two factors to exist.The first is identification.This occurs when you take something personally: You identify with it.As soon as you decide to feel that someone has done or said something negative that affects your personal interests in some way, you immediately become angry and blame that person.Even if someone who is hurrying to work, completely preoccupied, and who may have just had a fight with his or her spouse accidentally cuts you off in traffic, you can immediately become angry at that person, a complete stranger, because you took his driving behavior personally.But when you discipline yourself to detach and stop taking things personally, the negative emotional charge connected with the person or incident stops almost immediately.For example, when someone cuts you off in traffic, you can detach from the situation emotionally by saying to yourself, “Oh well, he’s probably in a hurry to get to work.Maybe he’s late.”The minute you say that to yourself, all negativity associated with the event vanishes and you become calm, relaxed, and positive once more.Give Up Your SufferingThe second root cause of blaming is justification.This occurs when you tell yourself (and others) why it is that you are entitled to be angry or upset in this situation.Many people fall in love with their suffering.Their past problems become a primary focus of their lives.They think about what happened all the time.They go through the day and even the night carrying on angry conversations with people who are not present, people who they feel have hurt them in the past.Whenever they get into a conversation for any period of time, they bring out their suffering, like a trader in a bazaar, and display it to the other person.They then recycle through the unhappy events of their lives, telling what happened, how they were badly treated, and how awful the other person was to have behaved in this way.However, when you discipline yourself to stop justifying your negative emotions by continually rehashing what happened and what the other person did or didn’t do, and when you instead calmly accept that “stuff happens” in life, your negativity accompanying the other person or situation dies away.Practice ForgivenessThe height of self-discipline in spiritual development is the practice of forgiveness.The Law of Forgiveness says that “you are mentally and emotionally healthy to the degree that you can freely forgive anyone who has hurt you in any way.”Every person—including you—has experienced destructive criticism, negative treatment, unkindness, rudeness, unfairness, betrayal, and dishonesty from others over the years.These events are unfortunate, but they are an inevitable and unavoidable part of being a member of the human race.The only way you can avoid the problems and difficulties of living in a busy society with many different kinds of people is to live in a cave.The only question you need to ask and answer after you have had a negative experience is “How long will it take me to get over this event and get on with my life?” This is a decision only you can make.It is one of the most important types of decisions that you make in your own life if you truly want to be happy.What’s more, it is a true test of your mental and spiritual discipline.The Forgetting CurveEach person has a “Forgetting Curve,” or what is often called a “Forgiveness Curve.” This curve measures how quickly you forgive and forget a negative experience, and it determines how mentally and emotionally healthy you really are [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]